This blog was written by me, with editing by Elizabeth Daugherty.
Please check out her website, she’s a very talented writer.
Intro
Three years ago today I started working in Unreal Engine since becoming a student at Full Sail University. Looking back at it now, it seems primitive compared to what I’ve been able to accomplish more recently. I want to take a moment and track my path of growth and further experimentation, not only for myself, but, for other creators getting their start.
Part 1
I got into making games because I’ve always wanted to tell stories; ones that express my feelings and upbringing in ways that I can’t describe with my words alone. Games like Mass Effect 2, The Witcher 2 and The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion pushed me to create my own games.
These games got me into RPGs and showed how immersion in gameplay really works. Initially, I played games to play games, never understanding concepts like the flow state, or how the player interacting with a game can be an integral part of the story itself. One could make an argument that clunky controls are a reflection of the player character’s abilities, and that it was meant for the player to feel that disconnect.
Part 2
Initially, I thought I could create at that level. That was before I had a full understanding of the process of making a game regardless of how big or small the end product is.
I had scoped out a fantasy epic, Eclipse, that aimed to blend fantasy battles with sci-fi technology. I spent all of my free time writing the story, writing a game design document, visualizing an intro scene, and all kinds of things that would make this concept one of a kind.
Beyond being a balancing nightmare, the story was overly convoluted and nonsensical. I mean, how exactly is a ranger with a bow going to have equal footing with a trained sniper?
But it was something I could point to and say, “I did this.”, that I learned from the experience.
As I continued my studies, I continued to experiment. Hours and hours of reading and recreating tutorials, trying to change things up a bit.
I learned how to build a dynamic AI system. I learned how to balance weapons and items using Excel spreadsheets. I went through the full process of prototyping, developing, producing, and distributing a game.
Looking back at it, I’ve come very far, but I have a lot more to go.
Part 3
All of these were moments of creativity, duress, joy, sadness, and pride. And sure, there were problems working on teams and things that could’ve torn us apart. But we knew we would have to work past our differences if we were going to accomplish our original goal.
For everything that I’ve had to cut, or move on from, there was nothing lost. I didn’t lose time or money trying to do something new.
Failures are learning experiences and how we grow, not only in life but in creative pursuits as well.
Part 4
A challenge of making something comes from the level of experience one has at the beginning of the project, who they’re working with and their experience, if not working alone, and what they must overcome to reach the end of the project.
My experimenting has largely been solo, exceptions being Global Game Jam in 2018 and the first month of Final Project at Full Sail. Those projects started with throwing spaghetti at the wall and eventually trimming out what didn’t work, fueled by coffee, boba tea, and whatever take out was available at 1am.
Though that time was stressful and I wanted to flip tables, I wouldn’t change it. My teammates and I were able to come together and create something special. And I wouldn’t change that for anything.
Ending
The process is long and grueling; It takes a lot of patience, motivation, and passion to see it through to the end. We, as artists, must be able to step back and take in all of the challenges and lessons we’ve learned and overcome.
I’ve experienced burnout and I’ve had times where I’ve wanted to quit. But I refused, because I knew what I would be giving up: A career that never started, risks that weren’t taken, opportunities missed, stories left untold.
Creators should always try to make something outside of their comfort zone. Experimentation is how we learn, how we fail, and that failure never means it is over for good.